The other night I had an apocalyptic dream--- Bombs falling in a dusky sky.. I turn to run into the house to be with Elena... I hear the explosions and know that I don't have time... so I close my eyes and say "I love you God, and Phil and Elena." Then I am floating and it is over. When I awoke the dream didn't trouble me at first. However, later that day I visited B&N and the fist thing I found was a dream dictionary. The thing is... I don't generally follow those sorts of books. I am certain that my dream was important and I needed some help.
I've prayed about it, given it some thought and discussed it with Phil and I believe the dream was a manifestation of several things. First and foremost-- Elena. She is just a little baby munchkin head and I want so desperately to be around for her... There is no language for how my heart swells at the thought of her and I don't want her to grow up feeling abandoned as I felt. The second is home-- We bought this new house and are constantly finding things to replace or fix or something. I love our little home and sometimes I have irrational fears of it crumbling around us. The third is the car accident-- I have been in several accidents but this was the first in which i was driving. Some lady attempted to cross in front of me.. we both had a green but she had a yield-- which she obviously ignored. Thank God we were both ok. I am doubly thankful that Elena was not with me when it happened. And finally-- Work. My mother raised me to be career minded-- and, i like to work. I enjoy accomplishing tasks, reaching goals.. doing something for the greater good. But alas.. I stopped teaching full time in order to be a full time mom. Now I work part time-- it pays well, I have interaction with others, teaching is part of the job thankfully. Drawbacks? Well, yes. I work so few hours that I rarely feel part of a team-- In the end I need to exercise my creativity more-- produce more art.

what to do....

First post... not much to say. But I have plans heheh.. oh yes! I have plans.